Cultivating the Gentle Art of Discernment: Observing, Not Instructing

In a world that grows louder by the day – where advice and opinions flood our screens and everyday conversations – it can be refreshing to step back, pause, and simply observe. Discernment, in its essence, is a practice of perceiving the world without hastily labeling or judging it. We’re often taught to rush in and share our thoughts or prove our expertise, yet there is a transformative power in quietly witnessing what unfolds around us. The perspective I share here is not born of any scholarly credential or formal degree; it arises from the wellspring of my personal inner experience. My hope is that you might find resonance, inspiration, or just a calming pause in these reflections.


The Beauty of Observation

Observation is an act of mindfulness. When we listen to another person or observe a situation, it can be tempting to immediately categorize what’s happening – whether it’s right or wrong, good or bad, beneficial or harmful. But discernment invites us to linger a moment longer in that space before judgment.

Imagine yourself sitting on a park bench, watching people go by. If you let your mind wander freely, you might find yourself mentally critiquing their clothes, posture, or interactions. If, however, you bring gentle awareness to your thoughts, you can begin to see these mental labels forming and choose not to follow them. Simply notice the chatter in your mind. In that noticing lies the seed of discernment.


From Judgment to Understanding

There is a subtle difference between judgment and discernment. Judgment often carries an emotional charge, placing people or events in rigid categories of approval or disapproval. Discernment, on the other hand, is an open and curious awareness. It recognizes that life is rarely black and white; most of it exists in the delicate shades of gray. When we shift from judging to discerning, we are no longer insisting on controlling or changing what we see. Instead, we hold space for it to show its many facets.

In social interactions, this might look like listening to a friend talk about their struggles without offering immediate advice or “solutions.” It’s incredibly freeing – for both parties -when we’re able to simply hold the conversation in an open-hearted way. Discernment allows us to acknowledge complexity without trying to fix or correct it right away.


Becoming a Mirror, Not a Teacher

One of the greatest gifts we can offer one another is the gift of reflection – like a mirror, holding up a clear picture of the situation at hand, free of personal bias or judgment. This does not mean we pretend to have all the answers, nor does it mean we never share our insights. However, when we do offer a perspective, it is shared from a place of humility and curiosity, rather than authority.

Think of it like telling someone about the subtle changes in the sky before a storm. You aren’t claiming to control the weather, nor are you insisting that your observation is the final word on the subject. You are merely describing what you see in hopes it might resonate or spark new awareness in another person.


Discernment as an Inner Practice

Discernment begins within. Each time we catch ourselves in the act of labeling something as “this or that,” we have an opportunity to pause, reflect, and see if we can release that judgment. Over time, this practice of pausing helps us fine-tune our inner compass, guiding us toward clarity and empathy.

Life inevitably presents us with conflicts, misunderstandings, and questions of purpose. By honing discernment, we allow these experiences to be teachers rather than nuisances. We learn from the pain and the joy, from the light and the dark, and in doing so, we grow in compassion – for others, and for ourselves.


Sharing Without Expectation

When we speak or write about our experiences, there can be a lingering pressure to prove ourselves, to position our words as expert advice. But consider the beauty of simply sharing, without the weight of being a teacher. This is about offering a small window into our subjective reality, and trusting that whoever encounters these words can take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.

By releasing the need to convince or convert, we also release our attachment to how others receive our perspective. In this space of freedom, our words become more heartfelt, more vulnerable, and often, more impactful – precisely because we aren’t demanding they be taken as truth. We are merely pointing to a possibility.


Embracing the Quiet Power of Not Knowing

In a culture where knowledge is prized and accolades are collected, admitting we don’t know everything can feel daunting. Yet, there is an immense power in that humility. When we recognize that truth lies beyond credentials and textbooks, we open ourselves to wisdom that arises from inner depth. This wisdom, shaped by lived experiences and heartfelt reflection, speaks a language universal to all of us – compassion, curiosity, and wonder.

We need not boast any special degrees or merits to share our perspective. Each of us carries a piece of the grand tapestry of human insight. Discernment is the gentle process of weaving those pieces together, appreciating each thread without insisting any single piece is the ultimate pattern.


Conclusion

To cultivate the gentle art of discernment is to step into the role of the observer, rather than the instructor. It is to listen more intently, watch more carefully, and let go of the urge to categorize the world around us. While expertise and formal education have their rightful place, there is equally a deep well of understanding that arises from open-hearted presence. If you’ve found even a glimmer of resonance in these words, take that spark and let it illuminate your own path of mindful observation. May our shared reflections bring a sense of calm, clarity, and a renewed appreciation for the subtle beauty of being fully present in an ever-changing world.

Listen With Intent To Help

Navigating support for friends and family can be challenging, especially when trying to help them see things from a different perspective. From a spiritual viewpoint, the intention behind your actions is key. Here are some thoughts to consider:

  • Timing and Approach: Sometimes, it’s not just what you say but how and when you say it. Offering a different perspective immediately might come off as contrary or dismissive of their feelings. Waiting until the person feels heard and understood before introducing a new viewpoint might be more effective.
  • Active Listening: It’s often more helpful initially to just listen empathetically. People tend to be more open to hearing different perspectives after they feel their own views and emotions have been acknowledged.
  • Ask Permission: Before offering a different perspective, you might ask if they are open to hearing another viewpoint. This can help set the stage for a more receptive conversation and shows respect for their current emotional state.
  • Reflective Questioning: Instead of stating the other side directly, you could use questions that lead the person to consider alternative viewpoints on their own. Questions like “How do you think the other person felt?” or “What do you think their intentions might have been?” can prompt reflection without seeming confrontational.
  • Be Present: Sometimes, the best support you can offer is simply being there. Presence can be more powerful than words, providing comfort and stability.
  • Authenticity with Compassion: Continue to be authentic, but blend your authenticity with compassion and sensitivity to the situation and the emotional state of the person you’re trying to help.

Balancing these elements can enhance how you support your loved ones, making it more likely that your help will be effective and appreciated.

On Being Opinionated and/or Judgemental…

In a spiritual sense, being opinionated and being judgmental reflect two distinct approaches to engaging with the world and others, each carrying different energies and outcomes. While both can lead to self-awareness and freedom if observed mindfully, their underlying motives and manifestations differ.

Being Opinionated

  • Definition: Holding a strong belief or perspective based on personal values, experiences, or understanding.
  • Energy: Rooted in self-expression, it can be neutral or positive if shared without attachment.
  • Pathway to Freedom: It allows you to know your authentic self, your values, and your boundaries. Observing your opinions helps you recognize what resonates with your truth and what doesn’t.
  • Potential Trap: When overly attached to opinions, it can lead to rigidity and resistance to others’ truths.

How to Observe Being Opinionated:

  1. Notice the Energy: Is your opinion shared to express truth or to prove a point? Truth flows; proving a point constrains.
  2. Check for Resistance: Do you feel tension when others disagree, or are you open to other perspectives?
  3. Question the Origin: Ask, “Why do I hold this opinion? Is it serving growth or ego?”
  4. Practice Non-Attachment: Express your view but remain open to change if deeper truths emerge.

Being Judgmental

  • Definition: Forming a conclusion about someone or something, often with a sense of superiority or moral positioning.
  • Energy: Rooted in separation; it often arises from fear, insecurity, or unhealed wounds.
  • Pathway to Freedom: Judgments reflect what remains unhealed or unintegrated within us. Observing judgments helps us recognize and dissolve inner blocks to compassion.
  • Potential Trap: Judging reinforces duality and distances us from oneness.

How to Observe Being Judgmental:

  1. Recognize the Feeling: Judgments are often accompanied by irritation, frustration, or a sense of self-righteousness.
  2. Identify the Mirror: Ask, “What does this judgment say about me? What in me feels threatened or incomplete?”
  3. Shift to Compassion: Replace judgment with curiosity. For example, instead of “Why are they like this?” ask, “What might they be experiencing?”
  4. Embrace Unity: Practice seeing others as reflections of yourself, recognizing shared humanity and divine essence.

Key Differences

AspectBeing OpinionatedBeing Judgmental
FocusExpression of personal truthEvaluation of others or situations
EnergyCan be constructive or neutralOften divisive and negative
Spiritual LessonKnowing your authentic selfHealing inner wounds and seeing oneness
Growth OpportunityPractice humility and opennessCultivate compassion and acceptance

Practical Observations for Both:

  1. Pause and Reflect: When reacting strongly, pause and ask yourself, “Is this an opinion or a judgment? Where is it coming from?”
  2. Journal Daily: Write down moments you felt opinionated or judgmental. Reflect on their impact on your peace.
  3. Meditate on Awareness: Use mindfulness to observe the space between stimulus and reaction. This gap reveals the origin of your response.
  4. Seek Higher Perspectives: Whenever possible, ask, “What would love, unity, or higher wisdom see in this situation?”

Both pathways invite us to transcend ego-based reactions and align with higher states of awareness. Observing these reactions without judgment creates space for profound spiritual growth.

Curating Categories For a Blog…

Starting a blog on everyday things is a great idea! To keep it engaging and appealing, you can start with broad, relatable categories that align with everyday life experiences. Here are some category ideas to kick off your blog:

1. Lifestyle

  • Daily routines
  • Personal growth
  • Time management tips
  • Productivity hacks

2. Home and Living

  • Organization and decluttering
  • DIY projects
  • Home improvement tips
  • Minimalist living ideas

3. Food and Drink

  • Easy recipes for busy days
  • Meal prep tips
  • Food reviews (aligns with your Yelp review interest)
  • Healthy eating on a budget

4. Health and Wellness

  • Fitness routines
  • Mental health tips
  • Self-care practices
  • Stress management strategies

5. Relationships and Family

  • Parenting tips
  • Maintaining friendships
  • Strengthening family bonds
  • Navigating workplace relationships

6. Money and Budgeting

  • Saving money in everyday life
  • Simple budgeting tips
  • Frugal living hacks
  • Side hustle ideas

7. Travel and Exploration

  • Weekend getaway ideas
  • Exploring your local area
  • Budget-friendly travel tips
  • Travel journals

8. Technology and Gadgets

  • Everyday tech tips
  • Useful apps for daily life
  • Productivity tools
  • Basic tech troubleshooting

9. Hobbies and Leisure

  • Crafting and DIY ideas
  • Book, movie, or music reviews
  • Learning new skills
  • Simple games or puzzles to relax

10. Inspirational and Motivational

  • Everyday success stories
  • Motivational quotes and their meaning
  • Personal reflections on small victories
  • Overcoming daily struggles

11. Environment and Sustainability

  • Simple eco-friendly swaps
  • Everyday ways to reduce waste
  • Gardening tips for beginners
  • Supporting local and sustainable businesses

12. Spirituality and Mindfulness

  • Meditation practices
  • Gratitude journaling ideas
  • Finding peace in daily moments
  • Everyday acts of kindness

You can always expand or narrow down the categories based on your interests and what resonates with your audience. Start with a few that you’re most passionate about to ensure consistent and authentic content!